This book

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This book (1)

I’m standing here with this book in my hand
It’s a diary
It is my diary

I’ve wanted to open it up.
I’ve wanted to read you some of the pages…
But I’m so afraid to let you in on these blurs,
These tear drops of mine

Yes I am hurting
All I can do with this hurt is to write it down
As I write, my tears flow like the ink from my pen

I’m standing here with this book in my hand
It is a diary
It is my heart.

Do you ever feel like you cannot open up and let healing flow into your heart? There was a time in my life I could not talk about what I was feeling on the inside. It felt like I was dying on the inside. I know that even as you read this blog that there are many people in pain wondering…
When it will heal?
When it will go away?
Who can I trust?

Hurt is very real and everyone has to deal with it sooner or later. We all experience pain in one form or another. It is caused by a mother rejecting her son, by a husband cheating on his wife, by the death of a loved one, by a misunderstanding, by expectations not met, by a man raping a woman and so many other things.

When we are in pain we seldom see a way out. We tend to focus on our situations and the overwhelming emotions that flood our conscience. We try to shut out all potential pain by simply focussing on ourselves and what we feel.
God never intended for us to focus inward. Jesus always talks about things like loving your neighbor (2), loving God, carrying the burden of another person(3), being generous (4), forgiving others (5), looking after the poor, setting free those in bondage – all these things are found outside oneself. We are also instructed to lay down our bodies as living sacrifices, we are instructed to think on things above and not below.
In my life I’ve found that the moment I focus on myself I usually make a huge mess (6) of whatever I’m busy with. When I zero in on my pain, I usually don’t notice the pain of others around me. When I center on how wonderful I (think I) am, I end up walking in pride and dismiss the potential of others around me.

Looking back on my life, I’ve learnt a lot about pain and forgiveness. I am not perfect in these areas and I tend to have a blurred vision at times. One thing I’ve learnt is that pain will last for the night, but the morning WILL come and with it, beauty for ashes and joy for those who are mourning.

I challenge you to start looking out and to serve others in love. I pray that God will send people into your love that will genuinely love you. In the meantime, hold fast the promises of God about your life. Let recovery begin.

Isaiah 61:1-4 (Amplified)

THE SPIRIT of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed and qualified me
to preach the Gospel of good tidings to the meek,
the poor,
and afflicted;
He has sent me to bind up and heal the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the [physical and spiritual] captives and
the opening of the prison and of the eyes to those who are bound,
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord [the year of His favor]
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
To grant [consolation and joy] to those who mourn in Zion–
to give them an ornament (a garland or diadem) of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of joy instead of mourning,
the garment [expressive] of praise instead of a heavy,burdened, and failing spirit–
that they may be called oaks of righteousness
[lofty, strong, and magnificent, distinguished for uprightness,
justice, and right standing with God],
the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.
And they shall rebuild the ancient ruins;
they shall raise up the former desolations and renew the ruined cities,
the devastations of many generations.

Notes:
1. © 2010 Elviera Schreüder (Wisdomlily)
2. Luke 10:27
3. Galatians 6:2
4. Proverbs 11:25
5. Matthew 18:21-23
6. I really wanted to say that I screw things up!

10 thoughts on “This book

  1. Sylvester

    I’m heavily inspired by THIS BOOK. The battle of the inner me has been a battle of time, the hidden, the kept, the bleeding that we normally keep from the open has not been dealt with. The answer then is to open this book. Thanks friend for sharing

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  2. Me thinks that God is less surprised by our screw-ups and mistakes than we are, and in time we should become less critical about ourselves as well. Hang in there, rest in His acceptance for you, and learn to love that part of you that you think is the least lovable. Grace celebrates all of us; so should we.

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  3. Jessica W.

    This is so good! This is also a process that myself have been through and it seems like I still go through it sometimes, but maybe not as far into it. For instance, in the past when things would happen I would cry and cry and cry and think God why, why would you let this happen. Why do I have to deal with this pain? It hurts, I hate the hurt. Alot of this pain would come through getting close to people and really loving people and at times I wondered if it was really worth it. Then I realized the example of Jesus and how He was spat on, beat, suffered on a cross, was giving sour wine on a sponge used to wipe Romans butts, but still in the end He didn’t say send them all to hell these people hurt me and are terrible, NO, He said Father forgive them. And in the same way when people hurt me and I am hurt to my core, I remember what Jesus went through and how He said “Father, forgive them.” Once I received this revelation it has been a lot easier to love even though pain might come, and honestly it usually does. But if God can use me in their lives for one thing, then it is completely worth it for me.

    So it is just as you are saying, once I shifted the focus off of me, it was a lot easier to get through the hurt and the pain and accepting the healing power of Jesus through His unfailing love.

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    • Yes pain will show up in our lives time and time again. I always remember the scriptures that say, “Overcome evil with good”, “Love your enemy…”, “Love your neighbour as yourself”, “Forgive… up to seventy times seven (70 x7) times”, etc.
      It is not easy to open up your heart after getting hurt, but loving someone with all your heart without being suspicious of their intentions always generates much joy!
      I am trying my best to love on people and I honestly don’t always succeed but I know that I’ve grown a lot in this area.

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      • Jessica W.

        It is very hard to open your heart back up to someone without suspicions after you’ve been hurt and especially after you have been hurt many, many times. To be honest I love to love, but when you are in that moment of pain I sometimes wonder, “is it worth it?”. But like you said I am also reminded of those scriptures and the example of Jesus. Also in Corinthians where it talks about you can do many things and you can have many things but if you have not love or do not love then nothing even matters. Love I believe is the greatest thing that God requires of us, His children. Maybe one of the reasons is because it is one of the toughest things to do and it takes dying to self. Ultimately it takes us throwing ourselves down and allowing God to have complete control. When we do love without holding back and in the way that God leads without fear then it is so rewarding. Because although people may come and go ultimately God will give you those few amazing people who will be there always. And if you never love then you would miss out on that. Also, what you gain from relationships is tremendous. You gain a better understanding of yourself, which sometimes isn’t so easy, because you find out more of your flaws and more of the things that you need to give to Jesus, but you also gain a better understanding of Christ’s love for yourself. I say this because when I have that pain of someone forsaking me, I think about how that pain to God is magnified beyond what I can imagine and He feels that everyday because His children are constantly forsaking Him. And I am not leaving myself out of this, I forsake Christ. As much as I try to surrender all and truly give all of myself to Him there are those times to where I put myself first and I know that pains Christ, and I know in my past I would completely forsake Him for months at a time, but yet He was always there for me, even though I caused Him that pain. And so that’s why I say when we choose to love we gain a better understanding of Christ’s love, because when we forsake Him and mess things up His love is so great that where we struggle to forgive and let someone back in, Christ isn’t like that, He instantly forgives as soon as we repent and brings right near to Him. Wow, even now that thought still amazes me. How awesome His grace is.

        We must dare to love or else we will miss out on the greatest things that God has for us.

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      • Yes! Yes! Yes! to everything you just said. To love is to lay down yourself for others. One amazing thing I read in Bait of satan is that when you love, you are SOWING, and you will REAP love in the end. You might not receive love back from those you loved, but you will receive love from somewhere.
        Life really is about relationships. Relationships with people and with God. All we are to owe each other is love.

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